PUSHING THROUGH
Peter James
Man stuff can be stupidly hard sometimes. And if some of the books I have read are true (they have to be right, they are books!) things may always be that way. Just because you try to do the right thing doesn't mean it will be sunny on the other side. Things are not promised to get better. Can I handle that? Have to I guess. So what am I aiming for by watching my step and trying to move further up and further in? Do I really believe that it will be what I want, because if this is going to work I think I had better believe that. It would be much easier to be crazy or amazingly selfish to the point where you actually really didn't care what you did to other people so long as you were okay. (sounds familiar yes?) That would actually be a nice place to be in one sense for sure. So what is this other sense that I am trying to hold on to and achieve? What am I really going for here? A fuller deeper life of intese meaning and deeper faith and fulfilment. A real, bottom of your being, joy? I think so. Sounds good to me. Can you get there, anyone reading this there now? I don't know. Maybe we are just suppose to reach for till we die and it is the old " journey and not destination". Well in this life anyway. I have to ask myself if I am really up to that. Like on my basketball team, we set all these goals for ourselves but I think most don't put the work in to really reach them. So am I really willing to do the work for this one? All the self denial and low times to reach the ultimate. I can sit here and say yes to that and actually think it. But the day to day doing is what I don't know about. I cannot feel the lows right now, and who knows how low that will be and if I will actually be able to handle that. I guess it is not a one and done thing, but a continual picking up and starting over thing.
Keep pressing on it is.
Man stuff can be stupidly hard sometimes. And if some of the books I have read are true (they have to be right, they are books!) things may always be that way. Just because you try to do the right thing doesn't mean it will be sunny on the other side. Things are not promised to get better. Can I handle that? Have to I guess. So what am I aiming for by watching my step and trying to move further up and further in? Do I really believe that it will be what I want, because if this is going to work I think I had better believe that. It would be much easier to be crazy or amazingly selfish to the point where you actually really didn't care what you did to other people so long as you were okay. (sounds familiar yes?) That would actually be a nice place to be in one sense for sure. So what is this other sense that I am trying to hold on to and achieve? What am I really going for here? A fuller deeper life of intese meaning and deeper faith and fulfilment. A real, bottom of your being, joy? I think so. Sounds good to me. Can you get there, anyone reading this there now? I don't know. Maybe we are just suppose to reach for till we die and it is the old " journey and not destination". Well in this life anyway. I have to ask myself if I am really up to that. Like on my basketball team, we set all these goals for ourselves but I think most don't put the work in to really reach them. So am I really willing to do the work for this one? All the self denial and low times to reach the ultimate. I can sit here and say yes to that and actually think it. But the day to day doing is what I don't know about. I cannot feel the lows right now, and who knows how low that will be and if I will actually be able to handle that. I guess it is not a one and done thing, but a continual picking up and starting over thing.
Keep pressing on it is.
posted by Peter James at 11:57 PM
3 Comments:
I just read this after I sent you an email. The email seems a little shallow after reading your post. You are on to something here Peter and I want to take the time to think it through a bit. David
These are the very questions I was wrestling with down at school while having my big break down. Sorry to say I've been wrestling with them ever since (although not so intensley). I often don't like the answers I think I'm being shown. Seems so cruel sometimes.
Journey got her name because of these questions. I needed a constant reminder (and I wanted her to grasp the concept) that the life God intended for us here on earth was shipwrecked in Eden and is now reduced to a less than satisfying journey...ever moving towards heaven where it will finally be restored. It helped to think about that. To think about God INTENDING and planning a fulfilling existence ... that it was not HIS plan that things go awry (tho He was fully aware of its inevitability beforehand). He aches for us too. Aches for what we could have had with Him here on earth. Yeah, ... it helped me to think about that.
Amy
All I know is, this is the stuff deep faith and real relationship is made of.
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